Instagram’s ‘Trend-Setting Kickass 90s Rebel Rockstars’ in a line for COVID-19’s Co-MVPs


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Images of mass graves in Iran following COVID-19  


COVID-19 is a killer.

But Gen Z, you’re worse.

While the younger generation sits immune to the effects of the virus, pending pre-existing conditions, immunity issues, the rest of the world waits in anticipation.

They sit at home b*tching and moaning about nothing to do. “Everything is canceled,” you say with a crude glance down into that security blanket you call an iPhone as you scroll through an events page with hundreds of cancelation notices. You hit the home button and ignore your Netflix, Hulu and Disney + apps with thousands of hours of entertainment and instead choose to reminisce for the days of options no longer available to you.

Under this totally hypothetical situation, you don’t feel sick. You feel fine. There’s nothing wrong with you. The problem is, COVID-19 doesn’t show symptoms for some, yet they can still be carriers of the killer disease.

You’re not worried though, because it’s all about you right?

The problem is, you’re ARE a carrier in this scenario, you just don’t know it. Ignorance is bliss!

A friend messages you. “🏀, 9 in, u up?”

You reply, “Bet.” 


You have yourself a planned activity with “just a few people.” In reality, you’re already at the max limit recommended by the United States and Centers for Disease Control as of Monday. 

But you go ahead with your plans. Now you’re best friend Nick is there, but his little brother Justin chose to tag along. You don’t hate kids, but you know what sucks? Nick’s little brother has lupus and is much more likely to show dire symptoms if contracting COVID-19.

It’s cool, just don’t touch him, right? Assuming you’re aware of his pre-existing condition. Social separation and all that stuff. But in a reflex, the ball gets away from your group and bounces Justin’s way. He grabs it and tosses it back.

And you don’t think anything of it with young Justin, now exposed to the group sweat of the game and all the germs that come with it.

You just went and Gobert’d him! Now you can hang your head high as another of many in a line for COVID-19’s Co-MVPs.

Since ‘launching’ in December 2019 (yeah I’ll say it’s a launch, its iPhone terminology you’ll at least process) the virus has become one of the hottest items to come out of China since the last iPhone. The latest strand of Coronavirus has run free across the planet! Crippling the lives of all walks of life, including entertainers like Tom Hanks, suspending the work of sports stars like LeBron James, and forcing long-standing institutions like Walt Disney World to close!

Not to mention the struggles of little people like you and me.

Isn’t it wonderful to see a virus that works so no-discriminatorily? It’s like watching politicians reach across the aisle only to slowly choke you to death. All the while creating the most anxiety for Seniors since the Cold War, at least that wasn’t a pathogen!

We’ve seen State Governments who rely on science and advisors take charge, leading the war against COVID-19 in California, Washington, New York, Ohio, and here in Illinois. Thankfully, with a two-week incubation cycle, it knows it will probably still be around in two weeks. 

Right here.

Can you say the same for your parents? 

Your grandparents? 

Back to our hypothetical situation, ending with young Justin on a makeshift cot twelve days later in a hallway of a hospital in his hometown. His parents begging doctors to do something. Nick sits by his side with his parents over Justin’s bed. The entire family wondering how he was exposed. Doctors tell them there’s not much they can do as his immune system spirals out of control.

Then, without warning, Justin enters septic shock. Minutes later, a blanket pulled over his head while his parents weep. All the while you sit back drinking a Kombucha playing MLB The Show 20, trying to hit as many Astros as you can.

You f***ing asshole.

On March 15th, the people of Italy recorded a message on where they were just 10 days ago. It’s believed the U.S. is just 9 to 10 days behind where Italy currently is, in a state of total lockdown.

COVID-19 would like to thank you for being a ‘Trend-Setting Kickass 90s Rebel Rockstar’ at a time when grunge rock mentality is making seniors sick for all the wrong reasons.

We get it, you can’t be controlled. 

But try doing in through your voice for two weeks. 

Is that so hard? 


Shane Saathoff
Shane Saathoff
An active writer for two decades, Shane's focuses on local news and events throughout the area, Shane is an active historian, science nerd, and tech geek. Shane is a native of Bourbonnais, IL, and alumni of Olivet Nazarene University.



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